Dominikimchee's first day of work

8:45 a.m.: Arrive at Heaven Ehrmman LLP.*
9:00: Gourmet breakfast.
10:00: Sit down in conference room with 30 fellow summer associates to fill out HR forms.**
11:45-2:30: Lunch ($500 for eight people).
2:30-3:30: How to use a phone.
3:30-5:00: Earthquake preparedness.
5:01: Two fingers.
5:02: Calculated how much money I had just earned.***

* Firm name has been thinly veiled.

** 10:01 a.m.: Minority headcount...handful of Asians, couple of undercover Latin folks, ZERO on the Negro.

*** 5:03: Per hour.